she smelled like a LAN party
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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