I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
