Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
