fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
