I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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