I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
