I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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