haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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