That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
