I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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