He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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