I'm jealous of your bromance
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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