i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Randomize
