TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
