remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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