we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
