whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
