Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
