why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
