I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
