i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
