My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
