anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
