Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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