Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
