she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
