I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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