I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
