I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
