I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
