Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
