She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
