Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
