I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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