If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
