i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
