Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
