playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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