you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
