So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sarcasm needs its own font
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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