dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
