I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
