Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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