I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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