Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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