I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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