You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
