i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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