Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
