My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
