just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
