DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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