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I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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