he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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