there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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